From the Rolls-Royce experimental archive: a quarter of a million communications from Rolls-Royce, 1906 to 1960's. Documents from the Sir Henry Royce Memorial Foundation (SHRMF).
Satirical newsletter, No. 17 from Mr. Pobottle, discussing the Aeronautical Inspection Directorate (A.I.D.).
| Identifier | ExFiles\Box 143\3\ scan0137 | |
| Date | 14th March 1940 | |
| File 1204 Mr. Pobottle's News Letter No. 17 MARCH 14th, 1940, SLOUGH FIRST A.I.D. WE have just had to speak quite sharply to one of our foremen. We overheard him remarking that he did not quite see the point of the A.I.D. We did not dismiss the man. After all he can hardly be expected to appreciate the full significance and subtlety of a thing like the A.I.D. We simply took him along to our office and explained that no sooner had it been resolved to expand the Air Force than someone in the Air Ministry pointed out that aeroplanes are dangerous things, and that if we really had a lot of them the brave lads in the R.A.F. would probably go flying and kill themselves. This put the Air Ministry in a dilemma—until some genius (as a matter of fact it was a cousin of our very own Mr. Pobottle) bethought him of the A.I.D. “Suggest,” he wrote, in a typical memorandum, “that since desirable to have programme of rapid R.A.F. expansion, but extremely dangerous and undesirable to give boys aeroplanes, only possible solution carefully organised Inspection Department.” Actually, we have been astonished to find what a large number of people criticise the workings of the A.I.D. because it “hinders production.” This, we suggest, is completely unfair. One might as well criticise one’s opponents in a Rugby Match because they hindered one from scoring tries. The Ministry has taken endless care in the selection and training of the personnel of the department, and in evolving its methods. Eminent Chancery Solicitors have been employed to draw up regulations which shall be as incomprehensible as human skill can make them. Expert crossword puzzle men have been paid thousands to conceal the clues to their solution. Some of the most famous Plumbers’ Mates in the country have been called in to lecture on “Recent Developments in Forgetting to Bring One’s Tools” and Bricklayers with international reputations have been asked to reveal secret methods of bringing a complete team of workmen to a standstill every ten minutes. We would therefore make a public appeal for a fairer, more appreciative and kindlier attitude towards the A.I.D. Inspector. If, like our foreman, you don’t understand exactly what the Inspector’s doing, remember that he’s a Government Employee, and it’s the King’s Government and the King can do no wrong. And anyhow we can tell you what he’s doing. He’s doing his Duty, and if a man’s doing his Duty it must be all right, even if it does look a bit cuckoo. (Apropos of the above, Mr. Pobottle writes : “Extremely pleased to see timely article in defence of A.I.D. Enclose hymn of own composition on the same subject. To be sung to the tune of ‘THE CHURCH’S ONE FOUNDATION.’ ”) The Ministry’s Inspector May sometimes try our nerves But yet we ought to give him The credit he deserves, For trying is his business His labour is of Love. He’s something sent to try us By wisdom from above. The Ministry’s Inspector Ensures beyond all doubt That nothing shall be wanting In all that we turn out, His eagle eye upon us Prevents our favourite wheeze, Of selling wooden con. rods And pistons made of cheese. He makes us be more honest He sees we do not shirk And since he’s been amongst us We do quite careful work. Before, of course, our methods Were crude ; and at a pinch We measured all our pistons Just to the nearest inch. Imagine for a moment Our pride and our delight When one day he will tell us That something’s quite all right, So charge your brimming glasses And drink a toast with me, We give you (we don’t want it) The dear old A.I.D. Pobottle Printed by Vacher & Sons, Ltd., S.W.1. | ||